When we discovered that the next race was at Aintree, Mabel's response should have been a warning in itself. ..." oooh! all the glamour and excitement of the Derby....Ladies Day, I shall wear my best cocktail frock"
Both Arnold and I tried to tell her that the Derby was at Ascot not Aintree, and there was no "Ladies Day" for what was a motor race anyway!! We should have saved our breath, Mabel was already in dreamland.
Tired of banging our heads on the brick wall of Mabel's imagination Arnold and I turned our attention to the car choice and hoped that a slow dawning of sanity would bring Mabel around. In hindsight that was at best foolish and at worst almost suicidal!
We went ahead to the circuit in the company Trabant to do a recce of the circuit and plan our strategy for this race. The suggestion that the Daimlers might prevail here was taken seriously and we were discussing the pros and cons of that particular car when the Blue Moose covered transporter swung into the paddock with Mabel at the wheel shrieking with excitement.
It had barely creaked to a halt when Mabel launched herself from the cab dressed in what was actually best described by an innocent young mechanic of a competitors team. It may have been the best possible description that one could apply, but no-one who knew Mabel would have dared utter such a phrase within 10 miles of her. The young man's innocence , and his life expectancy, were traumatically adjusted by Mabel's swift and brutal response. The exact details of her retribution must be left out of this report , I have been advised by our legal expert Titas B.Screwer that such details might send anyone of a delicate disposition into shock. I leave you to imagine how Mabel would respond to "what the heck is that?? looks like a ruddy bouncing bomb with bling".
Once the ambulances had left, (one with a sad young man and his favourite spanner on intimate terms, the other with Mabel, several burly psychiatric nurses, a cattle prod and several heavy duty restraining straps) Arnold and I opened the transporter to find only half the cars that we were expecting. Mabel had loaded the lower deck with her entire wardrobe for "Ladies Day"!!!
All we had were the Daimlers and the Mini , so whilst I tried a few exploratory laps Arnold drove back to Stilton Queens to collect the missing machinery.
My first attempts were mediocre at best and although I was able to coax laptimes around the 2:08 out of the Daimler, the mini seemed particularly unsuitable for this circuit and my driving style. When Arnold returned the next day he set to work tweaking the cars with his 2kg hammer and scaffold tube. I managed to prevent him "adjusting" the Anglia that I had used to great effect at Anglesey and quickly drove that out onto the track and away from his attention. It was easily into the 2:03's on race fuel and looked favourite for this race in my hands, but Arnold's cat like brain and dexterity with the hammer had come up with a cunning plan.
Save the Anglia for a faster circuit where you might need the extra speed, and we will wring some extra performance out of another car for Aintree. We settled on the V8 armchair, which Arnold persuaded me to drive simply because it had walnut on the dashboard!! We decided it had to be lighter if it was going to compete, so we set about removing the fully fitted kitchen with dual oven and hob from the boot, Arnold was particularly keen that we remove the fully stocked cocktail cabinet from between the rear seats. I should have seen the problem coming, but I didn't even though the car was into the 2:04's.
Come race day and Mabel reappeared looking somewhat dishevelled and subdued so I gave her a wide berth....no pun intended. Arnold had by now forced open the locked door of the cocktail cabinet and had set himself the task of identifying the particular differences between single malt and anything else that was in there.
So it came to pass that 2 hours before race start, yours truly discovers a Daimler V8 in my pit garage rocking gently from side to side with a leg out each of the rear windows and Arnold with his dungarees around his ankles lurching about the open passenger door slurring phrases like " of cuuurse i luvs ya Mabble, Iyylll make it aallll bedder fer yu, jus' trust yer little Arnie...i'll be gentl wid ya as soon az I kin get me leg outa this dungathing"
Now I may have needed a car for the race, and with 2 hours to go there was a fair chance that the Daimler would no longer be occupied when I needed it. But there was also a good chance that there would be at least one dead and shrivelled body in left in there. So I ran away. When i returned there was no dead body, for which I was thankful, but somehow I just did not fancy driving the Daimler.
I joined the last minutes of practice and started tweaking the Lotus Cortina gradually refining the lines and the handling. Before I was ready we were into Qualifying and I was still experimenting, but getting quicker.
Finally I shifted the final drive up a notch and we were in business, as the laptimes tumbled. Another 5 minutes and I might have squeaked pole, but Erling was safe.
I almost missed the start as I checked my fuel for the race and joined the grid with 3 secs to spare. I barely had time to select 1st gear before we were off with the encouragement of a healthy biff from behind.
I was gifted 1st place on lap 1 and then lost it again on the straight as Erling used that V8 grunt to sweep past. Hmmmm he was going to be a pain with all that power, but I definitely had the handling around the twisty bits.
I would somehow have to pass him early in the lap and build a big enough cushion to protect me on the straight........but Erling did it for me by running wide at T2...thanks
I worked my wheel nuts off for the next 5 laps each time losing 0.6 secs on the straight from whatever I had stretched out earlier in the lap...but the gap was just growing each lap.
Once I had 5+ secs I eased off and concentrated on maintaining the gap, which worked well until I checked the fuel situation with 4 laps to go.... it was close...too close. I should have risked it in hind sight and just kept pushing, but I tried to short shift and save some fuel. That disrupted my rythmn and I screwed up the Esses on one lap and then, having lost half my lead , missed my braking point for T2 a lap later.
Erling retook his lead and although I was closing for the next 3 laps there was just not enough time to get back at him.
Grats to Erling but I would keep that Daimler locked if you leave it in the paddock at any other race track, you never know who might "borrow" it.
P.S. Arnold is in rehab and Mabel is looking for her wardrobe.....I know nothing
