The trek though the forest and over the mountains, towing that cast iron Cooper from Zandvoort on Holland's North sea coast, was harder than expected for the pit crew. So much so, that they complained when we arrived that it was time we traded the hand cart and bought a motorised transporter!! Ungrateful wretches, and they arrived late with a car still set up for sand dunes and sea breezes.
I warned them that I could have opted to bring the BRM or Honda, or both!!!...that cooled their complaining!!
Practice was a frustrating affair, with a car that felt like the steering wheel may have once had a relationship with the front wheels , but that was in the past and they no longer spoke to each other....at least not with a civil tongue.
4 out laps at cruising pace were fine, but each was followed by a qualifying attempt that was abysmal with scenery taking the brunt of many mistakes.
I dragged the sorry heap of metal back to the pits and slapped Arnold ( Glutbucket) around with a large piece of Bavarian sausage. He was fortuanate that I only got a few good strikes in before the Valkyrie, in the form of screaming Agnes ( Glutbucket) descended upon me. Her massive frame flattened me to the floor and I though I had drawn my last breath, but suddenly the pressure was released and all was calm again.
I looked around to see that she had only been intent on freeing the sausage, which she was now sliding down her enormous gullet like a gull swallowing a fish....whole!!!
Arnold, meanwhile had taken his chance and was hiding under the Cooper hitting various bits of metal with his hammer. Suddenly there was a cry of glee and a rather large "THWACK...CLANG!!" " that'll sort the jigger sir, twas the setting on the bobbly whatsits wot was 'rong, but hers adjusted now"
I was in no position to discuss the matter as the start grid was forming up with me one of the last cars, save to say " If this does not work Glutbucket, you will be walking home!!" as I donned my helmet and fired up the Cooper I could have sworn I heard someone say
"Nothing new there, then!". When I find out who that was.............
Fingers crossed that the new suspension settings would make even the slightest improvement I sat on the back of the grid waiting for the flag to drop.
Well blow me, when everyone got excited and pulled away some blighter in the left hand column bogs down and I get a clean run down the right taking me up to about 5th by T1.
Steady, steady! you did not get where you are today by being a good driver, you know that luck is fragile and should not be pushed.
UNLIKE THE BRM OF KEN, which was performing traffic calming measures that would make him the president of the Cyclists and Pedestrians Federation of Busybodies President!! I was quicker but just could not find a way past that was safe.
So after being baulked for a whole lap and having another Cooper getting far too up close and personal with my rear, I decided to take my pitstop and allow these two to take each other off the circuit hehehehe!
Approach pits...press "pit in" button.........stop..... press "wait" button...no change of view......
? what!! how long...6 seconds count to six ......wait a little more .......just in case.....another car coming ....GO! ...GO!! GO!!!!
and Steve Foster cruises by at top speed ...Rats!!! wait till I get my hands around the throat of Agnes who is supposed to sort out pit stop thingies...I'll give her bloody Bavarian sausage!!!!!!
I harrass poor Steve until he can take no more...well ok, I followed him closely through 1 corner and stared in his mirrors in a threatening manner, and he moves over and allows me to pass.
Still 5 laps of this rollercoaster of a cuircuit to go but the car actually feels quite good.
One lap later and I pass "Glyn" leaving the Pits he is all over my rather firm and athletic backside like a rash but he will have to find his own way past...or.... I can half spin and allow him to pass. Which is the tactical move I choose
.
As we start lap 3 he generously runs up a bank and into a fence at T3, "dam fine fellow I thought, Who is next?"
The Murray Monolith is up ahead and I am closing steadily, but he sees the futility of the struggle and parks before I can get to him.
4th place and Kruger is on the radar.
I sniff the slightest hint of a podium at Nurby, if I can only get in touch with Kruger.
So I push a little harder, which results in a few dumb mistakes losing time but causing no damage. The gap is closing but the mistakes and what later turns out to have been a pit stop in excess of 10 seconds robs me of a chance to challenge the mighty Kruger.
But, as I come off the long straight at the end of the last lap with only a few hundred metres to go, that speedy Italian Lorenzo suddenly vanishes from the readout and we have 3rd spot.
I should like to thank the generosity of all those who gave up their places for me and the hard work of my gifted Pit Crew......................but, the first would be a little ungracious and the second a damned lie!!!because with a correct pitstop we might have been nearer to 2nd you miserable pair of overweight, gorilla impersonating Glutbuckets!!!!
They had better get their act together for the next race, or I am taking one of the wheels off of the hand cart.