Well, there were reports of this suspicious character loitering in the neighbourhood and I went to investigate. I caught the cheeky blighter sliding down someone's drain pipe with a sack over his shoulder!! He tried to excuse himself by claiming he was in fancy dress for a party, but I saw through that straight away with all of the Covid lockdown stuff!!
For a fat bu**er he was quick on his feet, he vaulted the hedge and ran off towards his getaway vehicle....in the fog it looked like some sort of flat bed truck. In his haste to escape he forgot to turn on his lights and bounced over a sleeping policeman. Why the hell a policeman was sleeping there I have no idea, I suspect he had got lost whilst looking for the policeman's ball.
Several boxes were dislodged and I felt it my civic duty to take them into my care. Regrettably the cardboard cartons became very wet and soggy making addresses etc unreadable and rendering them useless for any form of containment.
If someone believes that these items were destined for them, simply provide me with proof of purchase, pin number, credit card details and full address and I will try not to cover them with Covid-19/20 virus cultures whilst they are in my protective custody.
.........and that m'lud is the case for the defence.
